Sunday, July 27, 2008

Must Wear Socks

Here is a picture of hell.

And here is a picture of the place I took Tricky to last Friday when it was cold and wet and we couldn't go to the park.

This establishment has soft climbing equipment, things to slide on and slip off, a free coffee included in the price of entry for accompanying adults and one million screaming writhing toddlers and under fives in a very small enclosed place.

In addition there were two hundred and fifty thousand adults all desperate for their free coffee and a small cushioned place to sit, and five hundred thousand prams/strollers/push chairs all requiring parking and each one the size of a small bus.

Approximately 79% of the above sported a snotty nose and/or a hacking cough. Including the prams.

There was also a ball pit. Tricky liked this as he could finger the balls and fling them about the room along with the other million children. I however saw the balls as colourful, larger than life replicas of all the new bacteria and viral diseases about to be introduced to his system.

The highlight of our visit was either pouring the contents of my free coffee down my jacket and all over the crotch of my trousers, the plastic lid having been incorrectly attached to the cardboard cup by the coffee lackey, or actually managing to escape this hellhole and getting a free balloon on a stick.

Next wet Friday I plan to top this experience by sticking a pencil through each eye.


sorenson said...

ooooh yes.


we made the mistake of going there on the weekend once. is there anywhere worse than hell? because that was definitely it.

never again.

Betty Flocken said...

Love your post! We have something similar.. Chuck E. Cheese. I wince now looking at those balls with new eyes! Tricky is adorable.

Betty M said...

Our version is Clow.n Town in a retail park off a 6 lane ring road - truly the 7th circle of hell. Only good thing is they throw you out after 2 hours. I've done it twice - never again.

DD said...

My father practically spoon feeds dirt to my son. Build their immunities, he says. It didn't do me any harm, he says.

He obviously hasn't looked at himself in a mirror recently or seen a doctor.

Em said...

Oh yeah. These places are so gross. We try to avoid them, but it isn't always possible, especially with kids having Chuck-E-Cheese birthday parties. I just take a ton of hand sanitizer and hope for the best.

Nic said...

hahahaha. pencils in your eyes. You crack me up. It doesn't rain that much in Aussie, does it? Hopefully you will be spared having to go to hell again!

Rach said...

After purchasing your book last year, I stumbled across your site and have been a long time reader but not so much one to comment...but I just spat my cuppa down my jacket and into my crotch...because I TOTALLY understand what you mean about hell! I was at one of these establishments for a birthday party about two weeks ago and it was the worst experience of my life! Hell is probably an understatement. Anyway, you made me laugh very loudly and the place has to be good for something, even if it's to laugh at!


Grit said...

ok i'm brave. i'll put forward the advantages... you can throw the kids in one end and not see them again for seven hours. meanwhile, leave a few sandwiches lying around to be collected at intervals and get out your laptop. (and choose a playbarn that has windows and does not feel like an underpass for druggies.) there you go. cheap childcare.

OvaGirl said...

Look I have been to one of these places before where I actually got to recline on a sofa and flip through magazines (had not occurred to me to take laptop curses) and I thought at the time it was great. but THIS place. On THIS day. In THIS weather was appalling. Two of the friends I caught up with are oopera singers, one had a new score in her bag that she thought she would curl up in a corner with and go over her lines but gave it up when she saw the chaos. This is of course the wrong attitude and frankly she could have mounted a table and let fly with Queen of The Night and no one would have noticed.

So I am not against all such places. Just the ones that seem to be run by Satan.

Anonymous said...

I read somewhere (the Internet perhaps) that Satan makes a FINE cup of coffee.