Thursday, July 03, 2008

Message To The Management

The Screaming Tomato would like it to be known that he does not approve of airline travel. 

To begin with there was promise of "aeroplanes", it was all aeroplane this and aeroplane that as we set off from home in the (smelly) taxi. But when we boarded said "aeroplane" they disappeared. Despite numerous loud requests for "aeroplane" and visits to the window, no aeroplanes were forthcoming. This is not acceptable.

The Screaming Tomato does not approve of seatbelts. 

Just because he is under the age of 2 and entitled to free airfare (but not his own seat) that does not mean he should be harnessed to the mother person. Especially during loud noise and strange vibrations. The Screaming Tomato will make his displeasure known by shouting and kicking his legs. He will also arch his back in an unpleasant manner. The father person's attempt to restrain the Screaming Tomato shall be useless. The mother person's attempts to "sing little songs" and produce trinkets wrapped in paper shall be useless.

The Screaming Tomato does approve of a little tap in the wall that provides water. 
The Screaming Tomato does not approve of being told "no more water" and "oh dear we have accidentally splashed this poor man." 

The Screaming Tomato will continue to show his displeasure in appropriate fashion.

The Screaming Tomato does approve of Papa and far.
The Screaming Tomato does approve of taking a trip to the Little House In The Bush.
The Screaming Tomato does approve of being allowed to watch Charlie and Lola on new portable dvd player whenever he damn well likes.

However there is rumour of another so called "aeroplane trip" in the near future.

The Screaming Tomato should like the management to know that they are hereby put on notice.


JenniferB said...

Oh, OUCH. I've been there -- and hated every moment of being trapped with my precious little muffin (from hell) during the vomit spewage that ensued. (hers, not mine, although I was beginning to wonder)
Hope the rest of your trip is lovely, anyway.

LL said...

oh crap....

Maggie May said...

Oh dear! I dare say he will turn into a cool cucumber at some point!

Mima said...

I'm sure that I was sat next to Tricky on my last Miami to London flight, I ended up covered in orange juice and other unmentionables. I can't imagine how awful and embarrassing it is for you to have to go through, but I know that the Mum concerned was wishing that the floor would open and swallow her and her little beauty!

MsPrufrock said...

Do you know of a way in which I can un-read this post? I have a mere week before an overseas trip with my own screaming, back-arching child-type being and I anticipate having the very same problems mentioned here.


mig bardsley said...

Oh goodness!
There are times when nothing is right and that's all there is to it! Except the screaming and back arching and all that. (I hope he didn't bang you painfully on the nose during the back arching bits - mine used to)

lucky #2 said...

That is why we have never flown with our DD -- the fear of being contained on an aeroplane with an active toddler. You deserved a drink after that trip!

Betty Flocken said...

That is so funny to GRAN; THIS part of early motherhood, I do NOT miss. My best wishes for you on the return trip.