Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Brain To Bishop

I rang C in a state of great excitement.

For a long time I have been fearful of Mush Brain, that evil pregnancy induced state of vagueness and general sorry what was that? syndrome.

But now I had proof positive that I could beat it!

Being school holidays my sister in law N had arranged a chess tournament. Slightly reluctantly I agreed to take part.

Chess, you see, is not my game. As a kid I played draughts and Chinese Checkers and a sort of dropping beans in a little wooden pot game. But not chess.

But then, the tournament started and an amazing thing happened and lo…I won ALL my games!
Every single one!

Even the grand final!

At Chess! Chess, I say! Which I only learned to play as a grown up. And is much harder than that game where you drop the little beans in a wooden pot.

Did you hear me C, I shouted down the phone.

Every single game! I was the champion!


How can I be when my focus, concentration and strategy skills are obviously razor sharp?

There was a delicate pause.

But... C said, you were playing against a six year old.

AND a nine year old, AND their mother, I retaliated.

...who was playing in tandem with the four year old, C pointed out.

But it was chess, I whined. Chess is Hard. Some pieces go one way, some pieces go another. And the six year old kept making up rules which sounded like they might be true so I had to keep checking with his mother.

Mmmm said C.

It's not like dropping beans in a little wooden pot, I said crossly. In fact I don't even know if that was a real game, it might just have been me liking the plunkety plunk sounds.

What are you talking about, asked C.

I’d really like to end this post neatly with some sort of witty observation about chess and playing against one’s nephews and so forth but... it all seems suddenly too much for me and my it’s a nice day today and where did I leave my cup of tea?


LabiaLady said...

Hey, I'm very impressed, I used to work with primary school kids and if they started to beat me in a game of chess... I used to make up some excuse to stop the game, so as not to be humiliated... sad huh?

Vacant Uterus said...

My father is chess master; he gave up playing professionally when I was a kid so he could go back to school and make more money. I lose to him every time. Chess is hard, no matter who you play.

I, for one, am very proud of you. And I think you left your tea on the bookcase.

soralis said...

Love the post! Glad to hear you don't have mush brain!

Take care

Fertility Faux Pas said...

I've never played chess, but it sounds like fun. However, dropping wooden beans into a pot sounds like a pretty good time too.

A win is a win...even against a six year old and a four year old working in tandem with his mother. Congratulations, chess champion!

Lin said...

Who's to say the four-year old isn't a genius? Or the six-year old? Or their mother? I'm sticking with the idea that you beat three beyond brilliant people when you're nine months pregnant. That is Guinness Book of World Records stuff!

frangelita said...

I can't beat anyone at chess. I must be suffering from mush brain and I'm not even preggers. I'm pretty good at Sudoku, though.

elle said...

i always called it pregnancy brain and thought - "what ho! Now that uterine occupant is free, I will have my smarts restored!" Then I learned there was such a thing as "mommy brain' and realized i was under its spell. :-p

the nude uterus said...

HA! My cousin used to call it "placenta brain". But, nnnoooooo!!! bravo you, as I would not even have the wherewithall to compose this story, much less actually play a game of chess. Bravo to you!!

Panda said...

I have never won a game of chess in my life. So I'd be claiming all sorts of superior chess master status in your position too.

Did you look in the tumble dryer for your tea?

mig bardsley said...

I think my eldest was about ten when he first played chess. He thrashed me and I was still trying to explain the rules to him!