Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Excerpt from Tricky's Upcoming Book: The Keys To Driving Your Parents Insane Are In Your Chubby Little Hand

Clever Ruse For Making Mummy Come When I Am Meant To Be Having A Nap.

1. Peel off one sock. Now peel off other sock.

2. Throw socks over edge of cot. Try to make one land on the heater and one mysteriously disappear under the chair.

3. Now call loudly: Mummy! Socks Gone! Socks Gone!

4. When Mummy comes into bedroom heaving heavy sigh of the hard done by, smile winningly.

5. While Mummy is scouring floor for socks say Get up now. Mummy will say Sleepytime, make with the shushing noises, replace socks on feet and attempt to wrap doona round your body. Resist and instead call for teddy: Bramwell Brown
Louder: BRAMWELL BROWN! Try to inject a note of hysteria.

6. Mummy, now making irritable huffy noises, finds Bramwell Brown and puts it in cot.

7. Stare in surprise at Bramwell Brown, pick him up and wave at Mummy saying No!
When Mummy says in exasperated voice But you said you wanted Bramwell Brown, screw up your eyes and chant: put it away, put it away.

8. Mummy will snatch Bramwell Brown away. If possible call loudly for Rabbit, Sleepy Bear or BoBo. Repeat step 7 above until Mummy exits room calling for stiff drink and saying she doesn’t care that it’s only 1pm.

9. Wait 30 seconds then repeat all as above.


Betty Flocken said...

Great! I remember that.. Kids must learn it in the womb!!!
Love to read your stories. You tell them so wonderfully

Anonymous said...

I wish they wouldn't fight sleep so much. My friend's toddler is a freak of nature who actually enjoys getting in bed for nap or night. I asked my sitter how long it will be before the battles of bedtime are over, and she said "around seven or eight years old." Ugh.

Trevor said...

Tch, kids, eh.

They'd be so easy if only you didn't have to put them down to sleep. Or feed them. Or dress them. Or, well, just about everything, really. Still, at least you have the pleasure of knowing that when they become teenagers they'll appreciate your struggles and treat you with the reverence and veneration you deserve.

Something to look forward to then…

Nic said...

Boy does he have YOU figured out ;-)

I'm very hard-hearted when it comes to sleeping, I put him down in the crib and that's IT. DH is much more of a softie and often gets taken in my the "one more story" request. I'm trying to break him of that!

Maggie May said...

Just a phase! Hang in there! Trouble is it is usually followed by another phase, then another, then another.........

Em said...

I hate to share this, but my almost four-year-old is still perfecting the bedtime stall. "Wait, mommy, I just need to tell you one thing. Um, um, um, the sun is hot. Wait mommy, I just need to tell you one more thing. . ." "I need waaater." "I can't sleep with my eyes shut." And my favorite, "But I have cramps."

WonderMama said...

Funny how eerily this echos naptime at our house...right down to the longing for a stiff drink well before dinner.

mig bardsley said...

I can never remember how these scenes ended with my children.
But they must have done mustn't they or I'd still be up there somewhere looking for a favourite toy.