Monday, April 14, 2008

I just can't see it making the home reader list

As I write this I am sipping at a mug of "tea" which is simultaneously disgusting and soothing. It tastes like the black scum that gathers in the tiles under the shower screen, with a nice little lemony aftertaste.

Earlier this evening C and I prepared a hearty and warming soup for dinner. This entailed lots of ginger, lots of garlic and an organic chicken with its arse packed full of "herbs". These herbs looked like a selection of half dried berries, some form of dessicated peel, some twig type vegetation, a large turd and the ubquitous shavings of old foam surfboard.

These two incidents are indeed related.

Me, and the Chinese Fertility Goddess are on again.

This morning, after a brief spate of school girl like giggling on both sides, it was as if no time at all had passed since my last visit. Except it had of course, I had a beautiful toddler to prove it and then there was the...

Your book! You wrote a book!

Yes, I said, I did. Um...have you seen it?

I got your book! I bought it! Not finish reading it yet. My daughter reads it, she loves it, she laughs, says you are such a funny lady.

Mmm, yes, I said. Thankyou.

And, the Chinese Fertility Goddess giggled again, so many women come in to see me and they have your book! And they say...this Chinese Fertility Goddess, I think this might be you!

And it is, I say.

We laugh about this and she hugs me and I show her a picture of Tricky I have bought specially for her and also the copy of the book that I will sign for her. I tell her about living in The Country last year and the new tv writing gig and I refrain from asking her how many celebrities she's knocked up since I was there last.

She rushes me into the acupuncture room, so many needles, so little time.

I'm glad your daughter is enjoying the book, I say.

Yes yes, the Chinese Fertility Goddess pauses to wrap a blanket carefully around my legs.
My daughter is seven. You think it's ok for her to read?


I rack my brains to recall all the completely inappropriate bits for seven year olds. Several immediately come to mind.

There's a little bit of swearing, I say.

She looks at me... there's sex isn't there?

Yyyyes, I say...but I guess she knows what it is you do...?

The CFG nods and waves this aside and briskly finishes tucking me in. You rest now, sleep. Later make chicken soup with my soup herbs, drink H tea. Tomorrow, after transfer, you come back, come straight upstairs, I do acupuncture then you go home. And for two weeks, you rest. No cleaning. None. Leave it. Tell C I say: You Are Not To Clean.

Ok, I shrug.

And with that she bustles out the door. And I smile.

It's good to be back.


granny p said...

Good luck tomorrow...xx

Mima said...

It sounds like a lovely visit, but euch to the herb tea etc, not my cup of tea at all! Still if it helps, then I guess it has to be done (bit like one of my painkillers, it is a spray, and sometimes makes me retch). Nice to see here though, and she was obviously delighted to be in the book. Love the no cleaning!!

I really hope that tomorrow goes as well as it can, and I am sending all the vibes in your direction that I can for things going well.

Anonymous said...

the very, very best of luck for the defrost today. julieB

pixi said...

Transfer already? Wow - wow, wow, wow. I hope it's good news all the way.

And yeah, I'd say that seven is a tad young for your book!

OvaGirl said...

Yes, just a tad! But then perhaps she's a very mature seven? I got the impression she was nearly finished with it too. I may have a little word re this with CFG today...

Anonymous said...

Loads of luck Ovagirl! Thinking hard of you and keeping fingers tightly crossed. Kate

Vacant Uterus said...

Hey, maybe you'll be one of those celebrities she knocks up! I'm cheering you on, babe. :-)

LL said...

how did it go? how did it go?

So excited for you....

Maggie May said...

Hope it went well!

calliope said...

HOLY HECK! I am just now catching up with your posts and BOY is there fun stuff to catch up on!!!

Sending lots of mojo to your girl parts and crossing fingers and all that shit.


Thalia said...

Forgive me for knocking the CFG, but didn't you get pregnant with tricky on the cycle that you DIDN'T see her? I'm sure she's lovely and all, but...

Anyway i hope the tea helps. I remember how disgusting you made it sound last time, I'm sure it hasn't improved.