Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Sing It Baby

You can put coins in my slot and you can take them out.

Who sings this?

If you guessed a perky bargirl on a tabletop in Manilla you would be wrong and also frankly go and look in the mirror and take a good hard look at yourself. But if you guessed a pink plastic moneybox in the shape of a pig, one that not only sings but comes with a hoard of plastic “coins” you would be right.

Along with those other milestones of Sitting Up, and Sliding on his Tummy, and realizing that Mummy’s Nipples can be Cruelly Wrenched When she is Looking the Other Way, Tricky has reached another important milestone – that of receiving a Very Annoying Toy.

This VAT sings when you depress its snout and chimes when you drop aforementioned “coins” into the ample “slot”. It also counts, snorts, sneezes and giggles. Mercifully it can be turned off.

It seemed merely a very silly song at first, one that made us smirk. But one weekend we accidentally left the VAT downstairs amongst the chess boards and packs of cards and other playthings of the Naughty Nephews. Because children have a natural affinity for things that annoy adults they gravitated towards it, played with it, AND LEARNED ITS ANNOYING LITTLE TUNE.


You cannot imagine the horror of hearing this sung loudly in unison by three Naughty Nephews.

To be truthful it was only Naughty Nephew the 2nd who continued to sing it over and over, but he also had the accent down pat. As a result the VAT very nearly went the way of all loud annoying toys: a spell in the freezer.

But in other news, the book is in. YAY! Notes have been given and A Meeting had. Now for some rewrites and also some taking out of a few rude words. (The fuck?) Oh, and a title. Because it won't be L'Eggs Up And Laughing. It will be something else.
(Please don't pout. That doesn't help)

When will it be published?

Well here’s the funny thing. The editor and I were talking about it and she said February probably. For some reason I thought it was going to be way further in the distance and so February seemed kind of close.

Then she emailed back and said no, actually September. And that brought me down a bit because I thought…but September is so far away. Tricky will be over 2 by then and also of course we will have a second child.

It wasn’t till today’s meeting with another editor when she said no, September THIS YEAR, that I perked up because that seemed very jolly and close indeed.

And then, I realised the bizarre train of thought that had wound itself up in that publishing date. We will have a second child.

What I should have thought was we have a frozen embryo and because time is ticking on for me and my uterus that we would have at least had a go at bunging it in and embarking on that Great Big Fertility Ride again.

How could I have forgotten?

How could I just assume?

Was I insane?

The mind, I decided, protects its own. Just as the intensity of childbirth trickled out like water through the sleep deprived sieve of my mind, so too, it seems, did the memory of daily injections, bloodtests, dildocams and betas.

In that moment I was treating myself as... normal.

We will have a second child.

The line sings itself in the back of my mind, over and over, annoyingly persistent, smugly optimistic.

And it doesn’t take this half-Filipina bar girl more than the flick of a coin to realize that it’ll take more than a spell in the freezer to shut it the fuck up.


shalini akhil said...

oooh hello! i haven't been here for a while but here i am and here's news of your book! yay! enjoy the ride...

Anonymous said...


I manage to imagine myself with 3 kids

be convinced I will never have another and be quite torn up about it

and so pleased with the one baby I have that I feel I can be happy with one.

all at once almost. Some kind of wierd holy infertility trinity going on....

YAY for the book.

Anonymous said...

We have an equally annoying talking turtle that asks you to press it's colored, shaped buttons. Of course, at 10 months, the babes don't know purple triangle from orange square, so all is we hear is "Ooops! Try again! Oops! Try again!"

I am thrilled to hear about the book ... you are such a wonderful writer, and I can't wait to read this version of your story.

I, too, find myself making assumptions about future children. And I don't even have any frozen embryos to consider. But I feel like since it's been done once, it could indeed happen again. Who knows.

lucky #2 said...

I wish I could be that optimistic about having another! One minute I am thinking about the next one (or two). Then, I open the fridge and see my box of leftover Follistim staring at me and I remember: this might be it. My bittersweet baby whom I love dearly.

Congrats on being done with the book. I can't wait to read it!

Anonymous said...

I find myself beset by the same feckless optimism about #2--before #1 came, I knew I always wanted two kids, and was willing to do whatever it took to get them (ART, adoption, larceny, whatever). Now, though, I am oddly complacent about conceiving #2, as though the thought = action. I suppose this is how the fertile world does it, though I fear I'm due for a harsh thump down!

Many congrats on the book!

Bon said...

ummmm...thanks. thanks so much.

my nephews own that piggy bank, and the last time we were visiting with O, he found the snout. and pressed it. and pressed it. and pressed it. and loved it with a love purer than that he has ever shown me, to be honest. i thought the song was quite endearing at first, though the "slot" bit did bring bargirls to mind and make me give my head a shake...but after hours i found myself unable to GET THE SONG OUT OF MY HEAD. the whole four-hour car trip home, i was singing "i am a piggy bank, i have a piggy snout" nauseum. this not only made me a very poor car companion for my dear partner, but made me want to leap from the moving vehicle and beat my head against the pavement until the song went away.

eventually it did. then i read your post. now it's back.

excuse me, i have to go perform a home trepanning.

OvaGirl said...

Oh dear Bon

But do you find yourself doing an annoying little giggle after every sneeze and saying brightly "excuse ME!"

I'm so sorry. No really. I understand the pain. Do tell me if the trepanning works.

Em said...

We have that pig (or one a lot like it). I've found that a little tape across the speaker holes helps muffle him a bit.

So the quest to make Tricky a big brother begins! I was told that the desire to have another baby wouldn't be a strong the second time around, but this didn't hold true for me. I found that I wanted another at least as much.

Congrats on finishing the book!

OvaGirl said...

Not quite yet Em but we can't leave that little embryo in the icebox. And I think once we've tried the FET, if we're unsuccessful we'll probably try again.

And gee it makes me feel greedy. And guilty.

Funnily enough as I type this Tricky is lying in his playpen with his feet on the piggy. By administering regular kicks he can keep up a torrent of tunes, giggles and coy little snorts.

If only he didn't love it so much.

Rachel said...

I'm Jewish and I collect pigs. Mostly figurines and stuff, but if my husband ever buys me a house with a backyard, you can bet I will be lobbying to get a REAL pig. Where can I get one of these horribly annoying piggy banks? I want one!

Anonymous said...

Rachel... for the love of everything holy... don't do it. Leave the singing pig alone.

OG-- Congrats on the book AND the optimism.

Ekjiram said...

Hehehe!!! Gabby got Minty the Christmas Pony for Christmas and it didn't last past the first week of the New Year. We didn't ditch it though, it is packed away for next Christmas with the tree. Something to loo forward to each year! Gabby loved it, but we couldn't listen to it all year round.

I am getting more positive about having another baby. If you had asked me a few months ago (as many did), I would have said no way. Apparently distance does make the heart grow fonder, time heals all wounds, blah blah blah... We have 3 babes in the freezer, but if none of them take then we won't be starting the process again. M

mad muthas said...

so mcu to love in this post - but 'dildocam' has to take first place! i've totally been there (with twins to show for it ... fast approaching 13!) so i know exactly what you're talking about! re title: i've had no further ideas beyond mme ovary - but i'll think on it. sometimes titles just come and you know it's the right one - try going back over your other ideas - they might spark something off. lemme know!

Urban Chick said...

i blame the people who were responsible for the litany of 'just relax' comments first time around because they are the self same people who pipe up with 'i betcha you will just get pregnant naturally now your system has been kickstarted!' *wink wink*