Thursday, December 08, 2005

Things You Might Do During A Two Week Wait

You might make a list of Jobs That Need Doing Before Christmas.

Sadly you will only make this list in your head and you will only ever recall the entire list once when you are lying in bed and can’t be arsed getting up to write it down.

For the rest of the Waiting Period you will be haunted by vague memories of The List as you determine to put things on and cross things off.

You might decide to get a haircut.

This is because you are attending a wedding on the weekend and you are sick of pulling your hair back into a boring ponytail and exposing your spotty forehead to the world.

But on the morning of the wedding you may wake up and go: oh fuck, I forgot to book that appointment. But then, genius may strike you!

Look, here in the shopping centre is one of those very cheap, very nasty, no booking places! All the hair cutters are standing about waiting for hair to cut. And here I am, practically standing in the doorway and I’VE GOT HAIR.

And one of them, Svetlana say, from an unnamed Eastern bloc country, will draw you gently inside. When she asks you how you would like your hair cut today you will start to explain your dilemma and then realize she is wearing her hair pulled back in a ponytail and she has a spotty forehead just like you.

Later you will emerge with your hair strangely layered and your fringe reshaped and a lurking suspicion that it’s not really a very good cut at all. You will attend the wedding with your hair pulled back in a boring ponytail.

This will be a lesson learned.

You might tell your sister in law that you intend making an entire nativity set using paper mache and roll on deodorant bottles.

To your surprise she may hand you a bag of washed empty roll on deodorant bottles which she has collected because she is a mother of three children and they Do Craft. Now you are stuck with this task because you will look like a wally if you hand the bag of washed empty roll on deodorant bottles back and you would feel guilty if you just shoved them into a recycling bin.

During your Waiting Period you might choose to start the Roll On Deodorant Nativity Set. You might sculpt your Christmas artworks on newspaper so as to avoid mess.

But then a breeze may blow through your flat and in a panic you may be forced to grab precious ornaments to weigh the newspaper down.

This will lead to precious ornaments being streaked with flour and water which dries with a cement like consistency. This will be irritating because it will be another job to add to The List.

A quick and clever fix however will be to put the Precious Ornaments somewhere people won’t see them like in that spot behind the bookcase.

You might start reading Messages From The Cosmos in word verification thingys when you go to comment on other people’s blogs.

This will be unsettling. The messages are very firmly one way or the other so as soon as you see the previously unreadable jumble of letters you will be struck with either joy or grief. They will also be spelt very badly.

You might have a mental blank and worry about whether ‘spelt’ actually is the past tense of spell or a primitive grain used to make tasty breads suitable for people with wheat intolerance.

Then you will cunningly incorporate your ignorance into your post in an amusing manner.

You might spend long periods of time staring at your nipples in the mirror.

This is a natural thing to do as you are wondering if they are changing in any way to indicate pregnancy.

Then you might decide your boobs are sagging. Then you might start holding a breast in each hand and wiggle them up and down, pretending your nipples are eyes and your bellybutton is a mouth and it can talk to you. Then you will stop because this is not natural it's just stupid.

You might read on somebody’s blog that pineapple is good for implantation.

Immediately you will dash out to the fruitshop. However there will be two kinds of pineapple available and you will spend half an hour weighing them up in each hand and wondering which is best for the embryos.

Unluckily a fruitshop man will hear you muttering to yourself about pineapple and embryos but on the bright side the sheer embarrassment will encourage you to make an immediate choice.

Your sister might ring from New Zealand and chat while you both wait for the phone call from the clinic.

As you chat together she will mention that pregnant women have higher body temperatures. Inspired, you may get your digital thermometer and shove it in your mouth. Similarly inspired your sister will get her thermometer and shove it in her ear.

Strangely your conversation will flow unimpaired.

When you go in for your blood test you might feel a shock when the Fertility Sister asks if this is your “final” blood test.

You may wonder if she means your credit card is declined or if all the sisters got together and decided they hate you and your husband with his rice pudding scented head and they never want to take your blood again.

On your way home you and your husband might feel moved to hug and embrace a large piece of public art because it reminds you of a pair of enormous ovaries and hence it could be lucky.

You will need to do this surreptitiously because the artwork is in a public space surrounded by offices. This will make you feel like Harry Potter trying to run through the wall at Kings Cross station without anyone noticing except of course you will not be carrying an owl.

If you get the phone call that says your beta was 490 and you are “definitely pregnant” you will cry/shriek/attempt to speak calmly/scrawl notes in your diary that will later prove to be unreadable.

For 48 hours you will float on a bubble of happiness and sheer joy. You will share that joy and be delighted and encouraged by the enormous wave of love and support you receive both online and in person.

With a great screech of brakes and clunking of gears The Great Big Fertility Ride pulls in at the station. C and I gingerly step out of the carriage. Hope’s already brushed off the vomit and darted off to climb into someone else’s carriage and start the ride all over again. She’s such a roller coaster tart.

We feel exhausted.
We feel incredulous.
We feel very very lucky.

It’s the earliest of early days but to get to this point, for us who have never ever been pregnant, it seems an incredible achievement.

(In fact, even writing this down seems ridiculous. As if the phone will ring again and an apologetic Fertility Sister will say… oh dear there’s been a computer error…)

C and I stagger shakily past the ticket booth and make our way towards the exit.

In the background I can hear the crazy music start up again, the gears clunk into place, the doors on the carriages slam shut, the babble of excited voices.

I’d like to watch, wave them on their way, maybe buy a Cheese-On-A-Stick for old time’s sake but then I remember that Roll On Deodorant Nativity Scene isn’t going to paper mache itself and so we hurry on home.


Nico said...

For a second there, when the bubble only lasted 48 hours, I was afraid...

Glad the incredulousity and lucky feelings are continuing. Hopefully they'll last for the rest of your lives.

baby said...

you really did that with your belly? man, you WERE stressed!

please post images of resulting nativity scene. what will you use for baby Jesus? a q-tip?

Anna H. said...

So happy for you...


Dramalish said...

The nipple fun only gets more weird, OG.. that much I can tell you.

Have I related how much joy I feel for you?? I'm so crazy happy for you! And even if you are busy with the weirdest nativity I've ever dreamed of, please be sure to keep us in the loop during this exciting saga.

heleen + rod said...

Expect many more mental blanks, and much more nipple staring... Expect many more ups and downs from happy joy joy to my god what have I done. And for the rest: don't expect to do anything useful for a while. Just get on the this wicked little rollercoaster until everything starts to settle down in a week or ten or so.

I'm thinking about you a lot, just like you are a bit me, just a little bit behind. As if I go through this process again. Strange?! Getting pregnant with IVF is such an intense and overly conscious experience (while this all is supposed to be completely UNconscious!!)... It takes some time before your brain and overies settle down. But they wil. You can do this. You'll be surprised how much all of this goes completely automatic!

MC said...

I'm so happy for you. Great post. I hope things go smoothly.

Mermaidgrrrl said...

When I read your positive beta blog I actually screamed and ran out to Little Mister squealing "Ova Girl is pregnant! Ova Girl is pregnant!" who of course looked at me warily and said "that's nice honey" and restlessly fingered the phone as if to call the loony bin. I'm so happy for you guys!
And i thought I was the only one who read meaning into the verification thingy? If you just remove those pesky silent x's and z's there's some real meaning to be had from those things...

surly girl said...

stop making me cry at work! please!

it's weird to feel so much joy for someone i've never met but i am so, so happy for you both.

enjoy your boobs while they're still where they are.....

Unknown said...

I woke up Monkey Boy with my jumpy-up-and-down excitement last night when I read your post. I'm so so so happy for you and Mr Ova.

mig bardsley said...

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I laughed till I cried.
If you manage to make the papier mache nativity set you will have my admiration. though you already have.
Now I shall go giggling to work. (with an occasional sniffle thrown in.

Anonymous said...

hee hee ... the boob juggling, I am a master at that and practice every month. So, so happy for you.

Calliope said...

must see nativity scene!
so intrigued - how very crafty of you.

my word verification: oullxv

Anonymous said...

Enjoy every second of your pregnancy. I'm so curious to find out if both your stars took hold.

Will any fertility "action figures" be included in your creche?

DD said...

I have my ticket for the ride and am standing in line. Someone will need to make sure to get HOPE another corn dog and cotton candy, but please not steak, before our time comes up.

My biggest beef with the word verification is that its a sneaky reminder that I may need to get bifocals; they letters all look smeared together! Shit. I'm getting old.

April said...


And between the nipple scene and the roll on deoderant, I couldn't stop laughing.

Anonymous said...

I ADORED this post, and am so delighted for you. Are you having a repeat beta or just an ultrasound (since your numbers will be high enough to see something practically right away)?
And I second the request for pictures of the Deoderant Nativity Scene--I'm sure a manger never smelled so good...

ms pickled eggs said...

Huge congrats!

Thalia said...

Continue to be on a happy cloud after you, cass and Ms Pru showed us all that there is hope, all in the space of two days.

What happens next?

Anonymous said...

Sniff... sniff.

Contented siiiiigggh.

Anonymous said...

Tickled pink with little sparkles in it for you.

Kyahgirl said...

fingers and toes crossed for you.

Anonymous said...

Wow -- so happy for you and your DH. Will be following your updates.

spindleshanks said...

don't forget crapping man - maybe you could make him out of a toilet roll x

charlie's mom said...

Yes, you must post pics of the nativity scene. I'm terrified.

I'm looking forward to reading your happy pregnant posts.

Krissy said...

I found you yesterday and have read the whole story. Every single word.

I'd say that I'm totally in blog love with you but that might be weird and creepy and there's no need to be weird and creep out the pregnant lady.

Pregnant. Lady.

Hol-y crap! WOO HOO!!

P.S. - Uhnvgt would make a lovely name if you plan on having a short, stocky but earthy-in-a-pretty-sort-of-way girl.

Anonymous said...

I loved this post too.

My word verification is wefiek, which, if I were to do a quick word association, makes me think of "what the f***?"

Interesting. Thanks, Ovagirl. I will never again be able to just thoughtlessly type in my word verifications. From now on, I will think about them. A lot.

Sparkle said...

So happy that this is going so well for you. When do you think that you'll find out if you have twins?

frangelita said...

You are a ray of happiness in the blogosphere. Ova Girl, you deserve this. And you are an amazing writer (thus speaks a disgruntled journalist)easily the most moving I have found online. Keep it up. But hopefully now with the happy story, not the sad.:-)
uvmemk - an unkempt elk.

cat said...

You make me laugh, smile, smirk and tear a little. May you find that any fears become quickly unfounded and that only a steady increase in hope surrounds you.

Donna said...

I'm thinking about moving closer to you, is that considered stalking? So funny and true and wonderful.

Anonymous said...

So happy for you and rice puddin' head!!!


Anonymous said...

So happy for you. :)


Burnt Karma said...

Hey girl, this is called "Burying the lead".
You're too scared to scream "hey everyone, I'm pregnant and proud!!!"

Way to go. You really are pregnant!!!!!!!!!

Linda said...

Oh good, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's made a pretend face out of her nipples and her belly button.

Pregnancy suits you, Ova Girl. And it definitely suits the blog. I'm so excited for you!

PS~ My word verification is: qpguxwp. All I can think of is kewpie guppies spraying graffiti on a downtown railway station.

Lut C. said...

Seems to me you handled the 2WW very well, I wish you a smooth 9 month wait.

lucky #2 said...

Such happiness over your news...yipee!!! Congrats, ovamommy!