Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Letter To A Bunch of Cells (6 Days Past Transfer)

Dear Embryo

I’m currently in two week waiting hell while you make up your cells about whether you want to hang around or not.

It’s a little stressful, I have to admit.

As part of my 2ww I’ve been doing a lot of surfing the net and I can’t help being jealous over how many people get to write these nice little regular newsletters to their babies. It’s kind of a cute way of noting the milestones. A progress update if you will, first steps, how many teeth have appeared, all that sort of thing.

You’re not actually a baby as such but I feel you have some very fine potential. So I thought I might write a newsletter to you anyway.

Ok, so you’ve been in my uterus for 6 days now which means you are nearly 11 days old!

Woo! How cool is that?

It seems like years ago that you got to whoosh through the Catheter Of Great Excitement from your Petri dish right through my cervix and into the amusement park that is my uterus.

That was a one way ticket by the way, you don’t get to ride again, and if you leave the park, a big scary man rips you apart and gobbles you up.

No, just kidding, but you know….stay behind the fence.

Ok, so you’re here, you’re eleven days old, you’re doing that cell dividing thing you embryos are so damn good at. (I tried just now but you know, we lose so much flexibility after about 12. I used to be cool at cartwheels too.)

Now about those milestones.

I can’t actually see you but as far as I know you have no teeth. Or maybe just the one which you used to hatch out of your little shell. Like baby chickens!
You’re probably too young to remember this but your aunties and I had chickens when we were kids! They were so cute! We loved those chickens! And then we ate them, but we loved them first, and my point is that they hatched. And they had teeth.

Or at least a tooth apiece.

Sensibly, I know you don’t have feet either. However I feel you may have done a little rolling. Am I wrong?
I don’t think so.

You’ve felt the rush of speed from the Catheter ride, that’s gonna take a little while for the adrenaline to wear off, and you’re going to be attached to the wall of my uterus for, oh nine months (hint hint) so roll little embryo to your heart’s content (or at least the cells that will eventually merge to create your heart) but just be sure to end up on the back wall by my spine (I hear that’s best) and STAY BEHIND THE FENCE.

From today on, I believe, you will think about attaching yourself.

I say don’t think, do.

I’m always one for procrastinating and I can tell you it leads to disappointment. There are no prizes for futzing about, it’s not cool or smart to hang back and I assure you there are no other uteri to compare with.

Don’t go thinking: I’ll wait for that Catheter to whoosh me into another one and check out the décor, there are NO MORE CATHETER RIDES, I don’t know how many more times I have to tell you.

Don’t worry about the whole attaching thing either. I know you don’t have fingers to cling with but some sort of cellular stickiness will occur; your cells will mix it up with my cells and there will be a cool bonding experience. Trust me it will work.

Or I guess you could always hang on with that tooth.

Meanwhile I’m drinking my Horrid Teas and squirting progesterone gel up my lala like there’s no tomorrow. These will give you a helping hand (since you have none). I apologise if you’re getting any nasty smells in there; it could be the gel backing up around my cervix, or the tea (I’m used to it, but it always freaks other people out) or maybe that asparagus we ate last night.

Currently, I have moles that are bigger than you.

I have skin pores that are bigger than you (but frankly in this weather that’s no biggie).

One day, if you stick around, and you grow and get born and survive your childhood where I nearly love you to death and those angsty teenage years where we have screaming matches and sulk-offs and then you become a big strapping ADULT (which means your genes will have come straight from your great grandparents because your father and I are dwarves), well then…. I will be able to say to you….I knew you when you were smaller than this .

And oh, oh how I wanted you.

So please stay.

Please stay and grow and keep away from the fence (and that's the third time I've told you now, so that might have to be time on the naughty chair) and let me write more of these stupid milestone newsletters. Please.

Love (and you would not believe the absurdly enormous amount I have for you even though you're tiny and fickle)

Your very own Ova Girl



paulineski said...

wow, this is the funniest, coolest and most enjoyable letter for an embryo that i've ever read! =)

thalia said...

Ovagirl you made me cry. AGAIN! What a lovely letter. How can Julian not stick around after that? Julian, you attach to your mother now, you hear? Hoping right along with you sweetie.

granny p said...

Hope you got George. She's a stayer. All of them are - think of the crooks they caught. I'm sure whoever it is will hang on in there. Courage. Waiting is so awful.

surly girl said...

i have my fingers crossed so hard for you my knuckles are white....

and you made me cry, too. although with the morning i've had you could have written the ingredients off the side of the cornflake box and that would have had me in tears.

Yidchick said...

The anticipation is killing me. I think about it all the time. It's Jewish New Year and they say the big dude/dudette upstairs is listening intently at the moment, so I've put in a word.

Anonymous said...


Now stay behind that fence little one!

Kath said...

Oh, OvaGirl, you should have seen the expression on my face as I was reading that. What a touching, funny, wonderful letter. I can't tell you how much I'm hoping the little one obeys instructions!

betty said...

Oh I really enjoyed your letter. I do so hope you get to show this letter to the real live person that this embryo will one day be. Mine has also been in for 6 days, I didn't realise we were quite so similar in our journey this cycle.
May yours and mine stay behind the fence!!
Here's to you and your stinky tea, yucky gel and very entertaining (but heart felt ) letter! Cheers!!

Lindy said...

Thank you for that, OvaGirl. I laughed, I cried, I crossed my fingers!

And really, what embryo wouldn't trade the woosh of the catheter for snuggling in for a nice long nap meshed in with a bunch of your cells?

Sheryl said...

OvaGirl... you are the best writer!!! I absolutely love this post :)

Jenn said...

I cried a little too.

PJ said...

Well put OG. You really have a way with words.

fisher queen said...

Oh, you always make me cry! Listen to your Mom Julian/George! She's always right.

fisher queen said...

Oh, you always make me cry! Listen to your Mom Julian/George! She's always right.

Chee Chee said...

This is such a sweet, sweet post. Oh, I hope very much that your little one sticks.

zhl said...

Well done, OvaGirl. I am so hoping that the wee one listens up and heads for the spine.

Good luck waiting. Thanks for entertaining us while you're in the miserable 2ww.

Anonymous said...

Hello OG,

I just found you yesterday from Urban Chick. She likes you too. You are a fabulous writer and an obvious damn good woman. I hope you are rewarded with the gift of motherhood, it is something you seem to want so very much. I hope the fence will hold too. Fingers crossed. Thanks for sharing in the most intimate way.

Anonymous said...

Sniff, sob, sniff! Hope this is just your first installment of letters. -mm

Dramalish said...

Isn't it incredible- that insanely strong love that begins so immediately?

There are few things as beautiful as being able to say: "I loved you before you were."

Stay, little Dzznbix (today's varification). Stay and grow and be born and thrive. And wait until you can read Mommy's writing! It's fantastic.


Have I missed this piece of info; when's the test???

Larisa said...

What a lovely, tear-jerking post. I'm glad I didn't read this one while at work.

May your embryo stay away from that fence. I know we all want this so badly for you.

Still sending tons of good thoughts your way.


Em said...

There is certainly so much potential...

cat said...

Again the tears, people are starting to wonder why there are so many tissues in my basket.

May this bean stay far beyond the fence and hang on for dear life.

Manuela said...

That post was so wonderful I don't even have words... well I have SOME words but they're completely useless bland things as compared to that touching work of art you've created.

I'm over here, across the ocean, crossing my infertile thumbs in a sign of hope and solidarity... and dreaming of the day you will read this to your little zygote... and he or she actually has the ears to hear it, eyes to watch you read it, and chubby little toddler arms to hug you with when you're done...


spindleshanks said...

squirt those gels og - i look forward to telling the egglet all about the effort, stress, trauma and heartache required for its very existence in 13 years time when it screams "I didn't ask to be born". Then i shall fix it with a gimlet stare (or possibly a reproachful look) and explain about your lala. hope it's a boy!

Anna H. said...

Genius! And lovely and tear-inducing, too.

Thinking of you, Ova Girl.


Allie said...

I am so jealous that you thought to write a letter to your embryo! It's so cute and I wish I'd thought of it first! I'm sure your embryo will appreciate it when you show this letter to his prom date.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant idea. I'll be swiping it when I have an embryo of my own.

Kyahgirl said...

little embryo, you have a gifted mother! Now get thee stuck to her uterus!

k #2 said...

That was great. Could you try to have your little embryo email my little embryo during this 2ww wait. Maybe they can do some embryoblogging.
Great post.

laura said...

I love it, I love it, I love it! That little one better be listening. Or else...

LabiaLady said...

oh my god Ova Girl, what the fuck are you on?
LOL... you are too funny!

sending sticky thoughts!

aj said...

Ova Girl what a perfect remind me of someone I once knew.. someone I miss so very much. And I know you are going to make the best mother to your little embryo. I hope your little one is doing her best listening and stays behind that fence.

I'm crossing my fingers for you and C and your little teeny tiny one.

Alexa said...

What a lovely, lovely post. I hope that bunch of cells knows how lucky it is.

Juliabohemian said...

that's the most absurdly sweet sediment I have ever heard. Perhaps you should send a copy to those pro-choice liberals.

good luck with your endeavor. Once mitosis begins, you are a mother. Don't forget that.

Mellie said...

Gosh, I hope we get to read many, many more of these newsletters to your embryo. And I think you're selling the comforts of attaching to your uterine wall to short - the luxurious threadcount of your lining, the all you can eat buffet are surely perks that rate up there with the thrilling catheter ride. An embryo has much to gain by nestling in for the long haul!

T said...

Well I think it's lovely and hopefully Julian is able to read because he really should stay away from the fence. There's a good embryo.

Gabrielle said...

Damn you Ova Girl!

I have just discovered your blog and have spent the better part of the past couple of working days reading your archives. Much to the dismay, I am sure, of the Commonwealth Government who pay me to, you know, work while in their employment (go figure).

Love your work.

Suzanne said...

As another poster said, the suspense is killing me too! Hopefully you'll get good news, then I'll get good news, and we'll be happy together. And we'll write milestone newsletters at the same time. It will be like you aren't on the other side of the continent since we'll be doing all that stuff at the same time!

Patry Francis said...

That's one lucky bunch of cells, having you in their corner, ova girl.

thalia said...

Ovagirl I can't help thinking the 2ww must be over today or tomorrow. How are you doing?

Dramalish said...

Um...? OG...?

It's been two weeks since retrival, yes?

I am so full on freaking out.
Please post soon.

*getting muscle cramps from crossing everything,*

Anonymous said...

i found my way to your site too and i loved the post. tears all around. good luck!

mermaidgrrrl said...

And whilst you're behind the fence, please secure any valuables and keep your hands inside the ride at all times. How soon can you test? About 5 more days? Woo hoo! I'm so excited for you guys - you're doing an amazing job just to get this far along with style and sass babe.
And BTW - I am a pro-choice liberal and I'm wishing you the biggest and best pregnancy in the universe!