Friday, December 02, 2005

Letter To Two Bunches Of Cells (7 Days Past Transfer)

Dear Embryos

I’ve been thinking about you both quite a lot and wondering how it’s all going in there.

It’s been a few days now. I think you’re both 12 days old now which is nothing to sneeze at, in anyone’s test tube.

You probably noticed that you’re not the first to occupy the place. Maybe you even had a little bitch amongst yourselves about being given a used uterus.

The truth is, one of your little mates was in there a couple of months ago. I haven’t been in to look myself and nothing’s shown up on the dildocam but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did a bit of tagging round the cervix, graffiti by the fallopian tubes...
Embryo Was ‘Ere... that sort of thing.

Frankly, I think he was that kind of blastocyst.

But let me assure you both, THE LINING HAS NEVER BEEN USED. I grew that one specially for you. (And you. )

And the other thing is, it really wasn’t occupied for long.

Embryo 1 decided not to stay. Not immediately. There was a little pfaffing in the womb, a little lounging around the Pink Palace before he finally jumped the fence.

It was enough to leave the faintest hopeful glimmer of a maybe possibility of a pregnancy.

(You embryos can be a little cruel, anyone ever tell you that in the Petri dish?)

I’m not going to come down all heavy even though I want nothing more than to grab you both in a headlock and staple you to the wall of my uterus. It’s important to let you embryos make up your own little minds (or whatever rudimentary cellular brain smudges you’ve formed) about whether you’re going to hang on.

And I’m not going to bag on about keeping away from the fence because look what a fat lot of good it did with Embryo 1 (known in certain circles as Julian).

Instead I thought I’d encourage you by telling you that a big exciting bonus about sticking around and actually being born is…meeting your dad. I’m pretty sure you’ll think he’s the best thing since…well since that new jello stuff the House Of Groovy IVF Love developed to grow you little guys in…and you all know how good that stuff is, right?

He’s gorgeous and talented and caring and he’s such good fun to play with, ask your cousins the Naughty Nephews.

And I love him more than anybody else in this whole world…for now.

Here’s a little something that no one else knows about your dad.

His head smells like rice pudding with cinnamon on top. True.

And sometimes, like apricots.

And very very occasionally like parmesan cheese but mostly it’s rice pudding and that’s one of my favourite smells in all the world.

And if you come into the world, and I really hope you do, he’ll let you smell his head whenever you like. I think I can speak for him on that one. I’m not sure about the rules on watching tv or spitting from the top floor of posh hotels but the rice pudding head smelling I think we can say is in the bag.

It might even be genetic, so along with his blue eyes and my brown skin, you could get a scalp that smells like a classic English nursery dessert.

It’s your dad’s birthday today. The very first present I ever gave him was a stovetop coffee pot. Wouldn’t it be cool if this year we gave him the biggest present ever…

So just mull it over okay? Think about your gorgeous dad with his blue eyes and his rice pudding head who can’t wait to hold you and love you and play cricket with you.

That’s all I ask.

Well that, and keep away from the fence.

Yours, with ridiculous amounts of love as always



Sophia said...

Must. Not. Cry. Have. Interview.

Sigh....too late

Donna said...

What a delightful post!

Anonymous said...

Memo to two little embies...

OvaGirl and your Dad C are two of my dearest friends in the world. OG is right - your Dad is gorgeous, talented and a lot of fun, even for adults. Didn't know about the rice pudding head though, but I'll trust your Mum on that one! Please, please, please don't follow Julian's lead and stay behind the fence. Thanks.

P.S. If you do stick around, I get to be your Uncle! And that'd be so cool!

Anonymous said...

Very cute!

I just love it over here. :-)

Anonymous said...

I hope they latch on and grow. This one made me blink back hot itchy tears (I'm wearing entirely too much eye makeup to cry today).

Jeremy's head smells like warm milk and fresh-cut grass (the kind in the yard, not the hippie kind).

spindleshanks said...

mostly g's head just smells a bit grubby. oh yes, and the rest of him too.i've always been a bit of a one for grub but if i was a baby i'd go the rice pudding head. and you smell pretty baby enticing too og - geez what more could these little kittens want? xxx

Bittermama said...

I'll repeat that... "STEP WELL AWAY FROM THE FENCE YOU TWO!!!"

Thinking of you OG, and hoping for the very best news.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to Mr. OvaGirl. (I'm sure he'd love being called that.) I so hope this is the one for you guys.

Larisa said...

What a lovely post. Those little embryos had better stick around, not just for the aroma, but to have a fantastically gifted mom. Still hoping and hoping for you.

Anonymous said...

Hey dudes! Sticking around in the womb is GREAT fun! All you have to do is lounge around and get fed all day, and every now and then the dildocam comes in and takes your picture. Your folks will get all teary-eyed when this happens, but don't worry as they are just REALLY happy! So please stay and play! I promise to write to you while you are in there and we can swap notes on how sick we can make our mums! And your dad sounds way cool too, so I really think you should stay and meet him, especially as it is his birthday, as all the best people have birthday's in December, just like one of my mums! Love Baby G

Suz said...

I've never smelled my husband's head, but this entry made me hope so much for your two. Happy birthday to, as Amanda said, Mr. OvaGirl

Sparkle said...

Happy Birthday to rice pudding head!
I hope those embryos know a good thing when they're onto it. Fingers crossed, sounds like everything is going well.

mig bardsley said...

Happy birthday too from me.
And still wishing for you both...all four.
Rice pudding eh? hmm. nice.

DD said...

How do you do that? You can make me giggle and tear-up in one post!

You don't know how badly I want this for you 'cause I know the pregnancy stories, then the baby stories, and the the toddler stories, etc., etc., will be just as special!

Anonymous said...

I'm off to smell my husband's head now... but before I go I want to you wish you the best of luck!!

Dramalish said...

I read this today while my students were working on an assignment, and it was supremely difficult NOT to let the tears flow.

J's head smells like fabric softener. I'm not sure if that would excite Stewie or not, and consequently I've never mentioned it.

But rice pudding is another matter.

Oh Ova. How I'm wishing and hoping for you. With all my heart I want these "stickers" to be the best birthday present your man ever had.


Yidchick said...

Hmmm, this post is making me hungry. Must spill some rice pudding onto my loved one's head. He smells more like kebab.

Thalia said...

Embryos, you listen to your mother now. You'd be the luckiest embryos in any part of the world to get to meet your mother and father, they're really pretty cool. And I hear you have some great Aunts as well. Not to mention cool plastic trinkets to play with (your mum might not need them any more if you decide to stick around).

And there will be 100s of people whom you will never meet, also rooting for you.

Cass said...

Sniff. That was beautiful.

OvaGirl said...

Wait...Cass are you talking about your husband's head? I am fascinated about this now. I want to hear of more sniffing of partner's craniums.

surly girl said...

the top of the other half's head just smells warm. because he is. but my favourite bit is his feet - they are sort of square and make me want to chuck his cheeks (and i hate feet).

happy b-day to mr OG. and lots of finger-crossing and hoping and wishing for all of you.


charlie's mom said...

Embies, be wise and stick around for rice pudding. I bet your mom would even make you some if the smell got to be too tempting.

Calliope said...

Mind your Mum kids!
Hope C has a wonderful birthday with a fantastic p.s. in a few days.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful, Ova Girl. I'm getting a little choked up over here. And I'm wishing you wonderful news -- served with a generous sprinking of fast-forward dust.

Please hang on, kiddos! Please please please work!

zhl said...

I really hope that you both get a great present, or two, for Mr. OG's birthday.

Anonymous said...

Aw, very sweet. Happy bday to Mr. OG, hoping he gets a very special gift this year.

Anonymous said...

Well, OG, I am an admirer of your writing and your yearning. I check in daily. I join all the others here, hoping for this to happen. I want the twins to know, I will personally send them a little "lift" to make them a bit more comfortable in the 'apartment' when the time comes. Sorry for the shameless plug but this is what I do.
Take care and know there is universal energy on your side.

Allie said...

Hoping for a holiday miracle for you and Mr. Save this letter forever - I think they will want to read it someday. xxoo

Anonymous said...

AWWWW, How sweet!

Happy Birthday Mr. C.

Joe's head smells like Green Tea & Mint Shampoo. He hates that I buy "girly" smelling shampoo.
I have to keep reminding him that I AM a girl!!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cat said...

Happy Birthday to Mr. C. May you both get the best present ever this year.

Kyahgirl said...

What a very enticing post og. I hope they go for it.

Happy Birthday to C.

As always, sending positive baby vibes from Canada


granny p said...

Stop! You're making me cry. xxx

Linda said...

Dear Ova Girl~

What a beautiful letter; you made me cry.

But please stop ruining my mascara job!



Dear Embryos~

Please stick around. I'd hate to see you break your mom's heart. Not to mention all that ruined mascara for nothing.


Anonymous said...

Yes, going to give hubby a sniff as soon as he gets home. See what you've started?

Hope the birthday wish comes true!

Anonymous said...

what a beautiful post that brought tears to my eyes.

DL said...

Oh Ova . How beautiful.
How so very . Beautiful.

Em said...

Oh my! What a wonderful post. Hope they are listening because they obviously have amazing parents. Wishing you the best.

Sunny said...


Lut C. said...

Lovely letter.
Though I have to wonder, how you managed to deliver it. ;-)

Juliabohemian said...

grow embryos grow
even bigger for tomorrow
hold on to that lining
for your Mommy has been pining
little cells divide
staying warm inside
surely you'll be glad
that you get to meet your Dad
who head smells so nice
like pudding made from rice
(at least it rhymes)

My husband's head always smells sweaty, even if he has just showered. You're lucky. I like rice pudding too.

Urban Chick said...

well, OG, your blog has made me laugh and cry and cross my legs and clench my buttocks* but not until now has it made me feel HUNGRY

**empties tin of ambrosia creamed rice into bowl whilst wagging finger at little embryos saying 'LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!'**

* thinking about the progesterone pessaries - best way to keep 'em, in, right?


lucky #2 said...

You have such an amazing talent...I was laughing and crying at your post. I pray both those little ones LOVE the lining you made them. Go little ones, go!

Happy Birthday Mr. OvaBoy!

Eggs Akimbo said...

Go Embies!I love your eloquence with words and I would love to email you about writing one of these days.

By the way, did you read the article (it was in The Age but it was probably in the SMH as well) about the state of Australian playwriting? I did't realise David Williamson had retired!

Jamila said...

I love your blog. This post made me finally tell you that. Come on little embryos! Who can resist the promise of constant rice-pudding smell?