Sunday, November 27, 2005

Transfer

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that an OvaGirl in possession of a good embryo must be in want of an effective shortcut through the city.

On the day of transfer, also known as Squirty Up The Clacker Day, this effective shortcut was not forthcoming.

Many coarse and unpleasant words were spoken during this stressful and painfully slow journey and many calming and soothing noises were made by C in a vain attempt to calm me down.

At one point of complete stasis I opened the car door and stepped onto the road to try and see just what the fuck was holding up traffic and if I could use the laser burning powers of my Furiously Unimpressed Stare to melt a pathway through. I never did see what the holdup was but the staring seemed to work because finally we were on our way.

The first part of our transfer actually started with the Chinese Fertility Goddess. Last time this happened she was gallivanting on a holiday somewhere so I was determined to take full advantage of her presence. This meant acupuncture both before and after transfer.

As soon as I arrived I was ushered straight up the stairs and onto a bed, no appointment, no waiting. I realised that this must be what it was like to be famous or else to have private hospital insurance.

The CFG was lovely and as if sensing the horrors of the previous half hour she rammed a pair of needles straight into my fists to calm me down.

Did it work? Well I suppose so.

I do know that by the time I walked out I had stopped obsessively muttering “out of our way, cunts” and that can only be a good thing.

C dropped me at the House Of Groovy IVF Love, a mere three minutes late, and went to park the car. And soon, very soon, my pants were off, my backless gown and terry toweling dressing gown were on and my blue disposable booties were in place.


The doctor who would be doing the squirty business was not our actual doctor, Doctor Who, but perhaps this was best. We have seen Dr Who for a grand total of twenty minutes, during our initial consultation. Was he overloaded with patients? Was he taking The Tardis for a spin? Whatever. If he had actually materialized now I may have fainted with shock.

Instead, this time we had Dr Lovely Accent who was actually the CFG’s Top Tip for best Sydney IVF doctor.

Unfortunately, at the time, I had already got a referral to see Dr Who and felt it was “rude” to try and get one for a different doctor. Much hysterical mocking laughter at this thought.

When I spoke to a Fertility Sister last week and she told me that I would be having Dr Lovely Accent instead of Dr Who I said Oh Goody, I hear great things about him.
Yes, said the sister, and it’s all true.

With C back from parking the car I was soon in the chair, legs up and waiting to go.

It began with a quick visit from the dildocam – we exchanged some pleasantries, I asked how business was going, he said he was looking forward to the Christmas break and by the way my lining was looking good.

Dr Lovely Accent measured my cervix which he said would assist him in knowing where to place the embryos. And, speak of the devil, up they popped on the screen before us. C and I clutched hands and became ridiculously moist eyed.

It turns out that in the process of thawing “tiltoo” one embryo curled up its cells that might one day be toes and bit the dust. Of the two that made it, one was starting to do whatever that thing is that non frozen embryos do and the other was obviously still feeling the cold because it was miserably hunched over itself and telling anyone who would listen to turn the bloody heater up.

Speculum in place, catheter whizzed in, syringe carrying embryos brought over and all too soon Squirty Up The Clacker Day was officially over for me, specifically the part that involves squirting and clackers.

Back we went to the Chinese Fertility Goddess. Mercifully the traffic had eased. This time, not only did I get to go straight upstairs and lie on a bed, the CFG came out of the consultation she was doing to swiftly apply pins and offer bowls of m&ms with all the brown ones taken out. I slept for an hour and then C drove me home and I slept some more.

Just before he finished, Dr Lovely Accent popped the dildocam back in. Look, he said, there are your two embryos. Or at least the airbubbles beside them.

There they were, two bright stars in the dark skies of my uterus. C squeezed my hand and my eyes filled with tears. Go little guys, I muttered.

And so we begin again. The waiting time. The hoping time. The dreaming time.

I drink my Horrid Teas and swallow my folic acid and slide my progesterone pessaries in and try not to dwell on what may or may not be.

Black thoughts pop up, negative words sound in my ears, fear and grief and depression raise their ugly heads. I grit my teeth and floor the accelerator and shout as we bravely hurtle towards them.

Out of our way, cunts.

46 comments:

Sparkle said...

Wow, what a smoooooth ride that transfer was - and with Dr. Lovely Accent as well (I've had him!) It's perfect that you got to see CFG both before and after. Fingers crossed, everything sounds promising so far.

Pamplemousse said...

Haha still laughing at tiltoo and the Scottish nurse!!! Here we go again. So glad you have made it to the dreaded waiting. Keep your hands inside the ride.

MsPrufrock said...

What accent does Dr Lovely Accent have?

May the next couple of weeks pass quickly and yield great results.

pixi said...

Wow, OG. I'm sitting here with misty eyes & big lump in my throat, and I, too, am rooting for those little guys to make it. I hope they do. I so hope they do.

Julianna said...

Indeed!

I am very hopeful for you, so very hopeful.

DD said...

May the ride over the next couple of weeks go very smooth and very far!

Lindy said...

Hoping the best for you, OG!

Spanglish said...

Depression, Fear, Doubt -- all ugly cunts indeed. May they shrivel up and die.

Ova Girl, my heart pounds with so much hope and optimism for your two little stars.

I hope so much...
xx

Lin said...

We are all wishing upon those two little stars. xoxoxoxo

T said...

OOOWC! Love it, so glad the squirty clacker business went well.

Dramalish said...

Out of our way INDEED. I hope Dr. Lovely Accent's star appearance was a sign that your stars are aligning.

..we'll be waiting and hoping with you every second until the moment of truth. Good luck!!!!
-D.

Em said...

Best of luck to you and your little stars.

MC said...

Good luck with the embryos. I hope they star.

wessel said...

Love the nod to P & P.

Wishing you all the luck in the world, ovagirl. Seek distractions!

inpatient one said...

wow bizarre i too was there today & dr loverly accent is my dr, he is grt....the process sounded identical....i only had one embryo tho inserted, he advised one & husband agreed. given its our cycle 1 ....i was prepared to accept one....i wish us both good news & blessings on the 8th dec or before...wondering tho where you did acupuncture? i had acup before not after, pls let me know....

D. said...

My fingers, toes, eyes, legs, tits, anything and everything are crossed for you in hopes that your dream becomes a reality!

Ova Girl said...

impatient one leave me an email address (or contact me through my profile) and I will give you my CFG's web address. I feel a bit wierd about splashing her name about here.

(Actually the last time I put a blogger onto her, the blogger got pregnant very soon after which she attributed to CFG herbs. )

Van Dino said...

How inconsiderate of all those drivers to block your way to visit the CFG. And on your SUTC day too! Must be related to those bastards that take your parking spot outside your house! I say mutter at them all you like! Use the force OG! I'm sure the power of your stare did the trick! And now those two lovely little stars are going to shine for you and C. And this time glow-the-dark Quan Yin better make an appearance!

Anonymous said...

bless you

Calliope said...

thinking of you & hoping with all my might. Let's hope December is a banner month!

thalia said...

Any acupuncture that could stop my husband shouting at other drivers would be incredibly welcome. If only we were a little closer to CFG I'd be sending him there now.

Glad to hear that it all went so smoothly. Hoping your well behaved embryo (is it Anne? or George?) is getting its act together right now.

WonderMama said...

I'm glad your transfer went so smoothly and I hope the next 2 weeks go by as quickly as possible.

Fingers and thumbs crossed for you!!!!!

mm said...

Hoping like crazy over here. Good luck!!

Manuela said...

Oh, Ova.. I'm wishing with all my might that this works for you..

much affection...

Donna said...

As usual, poignant, hilarious and snarky all at the same time -- how do you do it? I'm here hoping as well for your little stars.

spindleshanks said...

oh god og - all opposable limbs crossed and every deity prayed to. even all the hindu ones and they've got loads. hang in there little babbies.
why no brown m&ms?
xxxx

Ova Girl said...

Oh...isn't that one of those classic rockstar/spoiled celebrity demands? Wasn't it Bon Jovi who demanded their dressing rooms have bowls of m&ms (yes should have used ampersand, will amend) with all the brown ones removed?

Sheryl said...

Oh Ova GIrl... I'm so excited for you! I'm so wishing you a excellent and SPEEDY 2ww!! (I'll cross everything I can for you!)

k #2 said...

When you wish upon a star (or two)...makes no difference who you are. Any dream you heart desires will come to you.

So hopeful that this is it. I am cheering, praying, thinking, and dreaming for you, ovagirl.

mig bardsley said...

Such a lovely image.
I don't know about these things..do we all just wait and pray and hope now?
I'm wishing good things for your little stars as hard as I can.

Gabrielle said...

Brown M&Ms are the best ones!

I have done my ritual for you OG (kissed the rock and rubbed the belly), so here's hoping between all of us here we can make this happen for you.

Vacant Uterus said...

Go, Ova Girl, go! The very best of good luck to your clacker...may it all come round the way you want.

Patry Francis said...

Another member of your large and eager fan club stopping by to cheer you on. when it happens, can we all be honorary aunts and uncles?

Dramalish said...

Can you tell how addicted I am to your blog?? This is my second (count it- SECOND) comment:

Fantastic Austen-esque opening there. SO much better than the stuff my BFF and I came up with when we were trying to create Austen-like prose.

Rock on, OG. You and your little embies.

surly girl said...

i thought it was van halen.

sending happy hang-in-there thoughts.....

Anonymous said...

Good luck Ovagirl,

May the next two weeks FLY. They won't, of course - I have never known time to pass as effing slowly as it does during the two weeks' wait. I think it's made worse by the fact that we can't do any of the stuff we usually do (OK, I usually do) to get me through other waits: drink lots and party, go diving, do pampering spa treatments, or pig out at very good restaurants. You can still do the latter, but it is a little tainted by the inner dialogue:

Ooooh oysters! Oh no musn't have them, shellfish is verboten in case I'm pregnant. Roasted red pepper and goat's cheese tartlette oh drat bet it's not pasteurised. Pan fried fresh foie gras ooooh very bad liver contains too much vitamin A. Aberdeen angus fillet steak ... sort of loses its appeal when cooked to a crisp, and only jar mayo for chips is allowed because home made contains raw eggs. Scallops, lobster, oh bollocks see oysters above. A chilled glass of white... served in a frosted glass so you can just see the beads of condensation start to form... PANTS! No home made icecream or blue cheese. And when you add this to all the things you already aren't eating in an attempt to appease the fertility gods, well. Might just as well stay home with a bowl of pessaries.

Good luck dearest.

Alchemilla
xxx

fisher queen said...

Good luck Ova Girl!

Kyahgirl said...

sending more pregnancy vibes!!

zhl said...

Hope Dr. Lovely's reputation rings true for you. Snuggle in, little buggers.

Chee Chee said...

I'm hoping so hard for you! Good luck!

heleen said...

Once the 2ww is finished you'll never be able to remember how long it felt when you were in the middle of it.... And it's only really 11 days is it? Anyway, I wish you lots of luck, strenght and optimism! Good luck! Good luck! For both of your embies!

Larisa said...

Hoping, hoping, hoping, with arms, legs, and fingers crossed that THIS is the one. Sending so many positive thoughts your way.

Em said...

Ditto all the comments. Hoping this is the one for you!

Urban Chick said...

good luck, good luck, good luck...

i'm thinking of your clacker as i type (is that weird?)


UC

baby said...

next time, call an ambulance. Kath would.

what am I saying? there will not be a next time, not for a long time, because THIS WILL WORK!!

sorry, just trying to balance out your negative thoughts with a little positive spruiking. fingers crossed for you, and checking back obsessively.

Wavery said...

The power of the glare is a power to be reckoned with. Use all caution funny one.