Monday, November 07, 2005

The Great Big Fertility Ride continues

One of my friends tells the story of taking her niece on a rollercoaster ride at the Newcastle Show fairly soon after eating a steak sandwich.

The niece held up well but my friend didn’t.

Half way up (or down) she felt the imminent return of the steak sandwich which she captured neatly in her new leather handbag.

I was impressed at her sense of civic responsibility. She was willing to sacrifice the handbag rather than spray her niece and various passers by with her stomach contents.

As CD1 rolls round it’s time for C and I to step back onto The Great Big Fertility Ride.

This time we’re not riding up front in the shiny IVF carriage. We’re strapping ourselves into the Frozen Embryo Transfer carriage. It’s slightly dented, the paintwork’s scratched and there’s the unmistakeable whiff of previous failure in the air but hey, at least we got a seat.

This time round, it’s a “natural” cycle (which makes me laugh hysterically because when was the last time any of this felt “natural”?) so I am spared the evils of the Lucrin syringe or the Puregon pen.

I will however be inserting progesterone pessaries.

Obviously I’m looking forward to these.

As a child I was always told not to stick things up my nose (baked bean anyone?) or in my ears and certainly not up my botty. No longer! Infertility is like revenge for the Sticking Things In Your Body Is Bad brigade.

We are the Girl Guides to the AssChest Scouts – those unfortunate folk (mainly fellows I have to say) who have a variety of items removed daily from their rectums. I have been told that this delightful collection is apparently kept at the nurses’ station in the “Ass Chest” for those times when someone might be caught short and need a pen.

Or a vacuum cleaner attachment.

Or as a nurse once told me…a tomato sauce bottle. We almost believed his story of an unfortunate fall whilst making dinner naked, she said.

Until we removed the bottle and saw the condom rolled over the shaft.

Today, one of the Fertility Sisters from the House Of Groovy IVF Love scheduled me in for our FET and handed me our ticket to ride. Ultrasound and bloodtest in ten days time to check that I have a Dominant Follicle. More bloodtests until we determine that I have ovulated and the transfer can take place.

It seems weird to be hopping aboard once more. The crushing disappointment from our IVF cycle is still with me, shimmering below the surface. I'm trying to ignore the fearful voices that whisper to me, telling me our embryos are crap and my womb is a toxic cesspit.

Just before our ride takes off, the door opens again and a familiar figure squeezes in. It’s Hope. She’s got a big cheesy smile as she tells us This Could Be The One!

We nod and smile, warily. The mechanism starts up and our carriage starts to move. Hope gives an excited belch. Steak sandwich.

As we start our first dip, I grip my leather handbag.

If Hope hurls I know who’s going to have to catch every drop.

40 comments:

javajive said...

Fingers crossed for the big ride.

From a fellow CD1'er.

Anonymous said...

First FET after a failed IVF did it for me. (Well so far - I'm at 8 weeks.) So good luck! And stay off the echinacea - I blame that for the first one not working. gotta blame something............
seepi

Anonymous said...

I just rediscovered your blog, and it made me cry. You and C deserve to be parents - surely the universe will catch up with that fact eventually. And you will feel lucky, but the baby will be blessed to have you both as parents.

My thoughts are with you.

mig bardsley said...

Wish you the best possible good luck.

fisher queen said...

I love that you are Hope's handbag (well, love the metaphor, not the fact). I'll call on her to wish you a smooth ride!

Calliope said...

well not only do you have Hope on your side - but you've got all of us on the ride with you. Think of us as those silly girls in the row behind you squealing, "Raise your hands above your head - it's more fun this way!!"

It's time to get giddy, OV!! Hope triumphs!

(right?!!)

Nico said...

I'm so bad at metaphors. So I'm just going to wish you the very very best of luck with this, and hope that your FET is successful, just like seepi's!

D. said...

Even though I feel like your friend's leather handbag when it comes to hope for a pregnancy, I'm wishing you the best and sending positive thoughts your way.

Spanglish said...

I am hoping for both of us that my father, the crazed born-again doula, and both grandmothers are correct when they said that sometimes the body needs a botched pregnancy before it truly knows what to do... I hope this time everything behaves, and your dreams come true.

The roller coaster is exhausting, isn't it?

Good luck!

Alexa said...

Wishing you the very best of luck, really. I have everything crossed for you.
Tell Hope to breathe through her nose.

DD said...

I can't think of anything to write because all I can think of is the visual of the handbag, steak sandwich and roller-coaster: all wretched and quite funny at the same time. How is that even possible?

Urban Chick said...

wishing you a bundle of luck and here's to hoping anew...

p.s. i am sincerely hoping you will not have the need but you are welcome to hurl into any of my leather handbags (that way, i have a great excuse for buying another one) - heck only knows i hurled into enough handbags myself over the years [ok, i think this metaphor has run its course!]

((hugs))
UC x

amanda said...

Good luck with the FET! It is all one big damn rollercoaster ride. I so hope this cycle is the one.

elle said...

Wishing you lots of luck and stomach retention. Funny how Hope follows you everywhere - I think it's because sooner or later she's right! *Hope* this one is IT!

pixi said...

Wow, just . . . WOW. I am hanging out with Hope sending wishes that it does work out this time.

And progesterone suppositories - not painful but rather like non-stop peeing. Better than the pricks, I suppose!

Good luck, OG. We all truly want this to happen for you.

Kyahgirl said...

You just gave me a flashback to months of progesterone pessaries. Hang in there.
Here's hoping for a smooth ride and an endearing embryo.

cat said...

May your handbag stay clean and hope keep her damn lunch down. *fingers crossed*

Lut C. said...

A 'natural' cycle? The terms these guys come up with!

I wish you a thrilling ride, but only in the good sense.

T said...

Ah hope - that bitch. I know it's tough to step back on, but once the door is closed and the guardrail down, you'll be just fine (or wind up as screwed up as me - y'know, whichever).

Millie said...

Wishing you all the best on this ride.

Chee Chee said...

Good luck!! I wish you only good things this cycle.

Pamplemousse said...

Aaah, but have you heard the one about falling on a lightbulb!!!

Time to get in the saddle again OG, handbag or no handbag.

mm said...

My stepfather used to be the doctor in chief (or whatever they're called) of a major metropolitan ER and oh the stories he tells of things that he's removed from people's bums. Let's put it this way... phallic shaped objects ain't the half of it.

Don't think for a moment that you're climbing into that coaster alone. We're here for the ride, wherever it may take you. Good luck!!!

Allie said...

I'm on an IVF break after my failed cycle. I've been planning our FET for the spring or summer and wondered how I would ever get back on that IVF wagon. So glad to hear that you are feeling hopeful. You give me hope that I can do it again. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

Larisa said...

I'm glad you are trying another ride. I cannot put into words how much I want this to work for you. How much I don't want Hope to fail you again. Many positive thoughts are heading across the ocean towards you.

Gabrielle said...

Pessaries suck, but all for a good cause! Welcome back to the ride. Depending on the result I get on Friday, I may be joining you.

Lin said...

Sending calming, healing, positive energy to you.

GO GET 'EM, OVAGIRL!

Julianna said...

I just hope that you don't ever have to ride again.

Thinking of you,

MC said...

Good luck. I hope everything goes well.

betty said...

You have such a great way of describing things, always makes me giggle. Hopefullt this natural cycle is the one...as my nice nursie says "just grit your teeth and stick with it girlie"!!

granny p said...

all this and you make me howl with laughter.. I'm with you all the way; you know that, friend. xxx

Kimmer said...

Good luck with the FET!

thalia said...

In this instance, the hurling might be a positive sign, if it comes, right?

We'll all be here cheering you on. Can't be bad to avoid that connect-the-dots thing on your stomach. I always thought that George and Anne would be a better bet than Julian, that showoff.

Ova Girl said...

Ahh yes Thalia I've been thinking about the Famous Five. Now that Julian's gone to that great picnic in the sky (lashings of ginger beer)I've been thinking about who we're bringing out of the deep freeze. George and Anne you think? Maybe...

zhl said...

I'm impressed that you're able to get back on that roller coaster so soon. Good luck with the FET.

April said...

Thinking of you.

What a moving, hilarious, sad, hopeful and fantastic post all rolled into one.

Sparkle said...

Good luck with this, there are alot of success stories with FET.

BTW, are you taking CFG on this ride with you?

Ova Girl said...

Yes, CFG is squeezing into the carriage too. Especially since this is a 'natural cycle'. I am downing the Horrid Teas and chicken balls as I speak. Also this time I will have the acupuncture before and after transfer (like Thalia) which is meant to have Good Results.

aliza at babyfruit said...

fingers and toes crossed for you! may the ride be everything you want and more!

Burnt Karma said...

Heya,
not that I want to give false hope, but Jr is a frosty fruit, so they can work.
As an embryo, he was a bit fragmented, a couple of cells didn't make the thaw but the rest of him came good and he was transferred.

He's now a healthy, strapping lad about to turn 2.

And is it weird for me to talk of my child as an embryo? You bet!

Good luck!

word veri just gave me ivbulli
should we read something into that?