Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Third Week. Day Two.

Yesterday, it was C's turn to take Tricky in to homecare while I walked the Naughty Nephews over to their school. When I met C in the laneway outside the carer's house he was wiping the tears from under his sunglasses.


We scurried away together, feeling awful; he looked at me with a pleading look, C said in a trembling voice. I knew what he meant. It was the third week of pleading looks and accusing stares and screaming tomato and while the first week was ok, the second week (while C was away) had been, well, trying.


He stops pretty quickly, I assured him. If we'd waited at the gate we would have heard.


We got in the car, both feeling odd, as if we were fourteen again and truanting school or something.


We were scurrying because we were going to see a play at the Opera House, a play that started at 10 am. It was about two kids and a baby whose mother leaves them in their car at a supermarket carpark. At the end of the play I turned to the director who had invited us and grabbed her hand. That was amazing I said. At least that was what I meant to say. Instead I said That was ammmaaaahooooaa and bawled my eyes out. She hugged me. I think she thought that was quite a good review. Even for me, it was fairly impressive weeping.


Later C and I continued the wierd truanting feeling by having lunch together at a cafe where prams would be difficult and baked beans and banana bread were absent from the menu. It was an odd sensation, liberating yet missing something. He'll be having his hot lunch now, we said to each other over the chilli linguini. And later...I bet he's having his nap now.


At home I dug through the papers that had lain untouched for the past 28 days. I rang the phone number and a friendly voice chimed at the other end... House Of Groovy Love (not the clinic's actual name) Rainbow speaking (not the fertility sister's actual name), how can I help you?


Hi I said. It's day 2 and I want to activate my Frozen Embryo Cycle.

Okay, she said happily. Then you'll be coming in next tuesday for your blood test and ultra sound. I felt slightly dizzy writing these words into my diary.

What day will the transfer happen, I said...just, you know, if All Goes Well and it actually does happen.

Ah, she said. Probably on the following Friday.

I wrote this in too. The wierd feelings continued.


That play today, I said to C as I sipped at my decaf. I had a pretty strong reaction to it. I mean I thought it was good but, you know, it's been a long time since I did that in a theatre.


It's because we're parents, he said.


Friday. April 18th.


If All Goes Well.

15 comments:

Mima said...

What incredible news that you are feeling strong enough to start again, I am so pleased for you, and wishing you all the very best of luck and staying power. I've put it in my diary and will be sending you all my love and thoughts on the day.

Sorry to hear that it is still difficult to leave Tricky, I gather from my friends that have done it that it will get easier, and he will come to love it and want to go.

Bon said...

it is so hard to cast yourself upon these waters again, with all the tears there just under the surface.

Friday, April 18th. i will wish luck and success your way, with all my heart.

Vacant Uterus said...

Friday the 18th. All will be well and all will be well and all manner of things will be well. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

xxoo

PS~ I love the way you call your clinic the House of Groovy Love. I think it's so cool.

Nic said...

Ant has been going to daycare for three months now, and still cries most days when we drop him off. But he seems perfectly happy and content when we pick him up, and stops crying before we're even out of the door, so i really do think that it's okay.

And i'm so excited for your cycle. i really hope that all does go well on April 18 and for another nine months beyond that. All my best wishes!

Spanglish said...

I got anxious for you. May all go perfectly...

Catizhere said...

May ItAllGoWell for you.

Maggie May said...

Leaving a child at the nursery is a big step for you to take. I remember my feelings well. I am intrigued my the naughty nephews!!!!!
Good luck Friday!

Rebecca said...

Friday 18th is my younger son's birthday. That's got to be a good omen, right? (BTW he used to cry when we left him at nursery too, now he hardly has time to kiss me before he runs off.)

LL said...

wwwhhhoooooaaaaa!!!!
Here comes the rollercoaster... All the very best OG. You've got a good track record with frosties, right? LL

Lettuce Hater said...

oh gosh, oh golly

a heap of luck

breath is already baited...

xxx

Lin said...

You're an old pro, kid. I'd bet the house on you!

Trevor said...

Damn, sorry, my life is a bit chaos-on-a-stick at the moment and so I haven't kept up here as well as I meant. Good luck! I simply can't express in words how much I mean that...

Grit said...

before kids i never wept at horrors and hatreds; after kids i blub all the time at the slightest child injury and injustice. in fact any family set back / surprise / dark thoughts of sudden death / anticipation of disaster ... oh dear... out with the tissues...

and good luck for fridays.

OvaGirl said...

bless you all xxxx

lucky #2 said...

House of Groovy Love -- oh, how I have missed stories of them. Here's hoping we only hear 1 cycle of tales.