When you start to do the whole labour/contraction thing, DRINK LOTS OF FLUIDS.
Then, when you have drunk lots of fluids, DO LOTS OF WEEING.
If you don't you will end up with a bladder the size of a bowling ball. Amusingly you will assume this large swelling is baby's head and tell your husband to feel it and maybe give it a little kiss.
Won't you feel a dill later on!
The contractions will intensify. They will come at 2 to 3 minutes apart and you will be feeling very ordinary indeed. You will go back to the hospital that night, absolutely certain that THIS IS IT and you will find to your great displeasure that you are STILL ONLY ONE CENTIMETRE.
Plus your enormous bladder will need to be catheterised to remove the one litre of fluid so diligently drunk by you during the day.
After another night in at the hospital you will be again discharged and sent home, except this time you will be tested for a urinary tract infection.
On the good side, if this goes on for say... five more days you will be out of the premmie zone. The birth centre midwives will welcome you back.
On the bad side, you will be knackered.
Also, if baby who has been lying perfectly for ages, decides to go all posterior on your ass...those back achey contractions hurt like hell.
That is all.
5 Fiction Books for Christmas 2017
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